How a person carries and presents himself or herself is a time-tested aphrodisiac. It's also a quality that both sexes eagerly look for in a long-term partner. Confidence reflects self-acceptance and self-love. TRUE Advisory Board member Dr. Ilona Jerabek presents the following tips for building and keeping a high self-esteem. Take these to heart and improve your personal and love life today!
When you're feeling insecure or doubting your abilities, don't hide away. Take a
deep breath, get out there, and do the very things you're unsure about ... even if
you have to start small. If, for example, you want to act in a play, but you're
not sure you can do it, why not sign up for a very small part? You'll build your
2) Conquer fear: take risks.
Sometimes life requires a small "leap of faith." You'll feel good that you took
some risks, even if they don't always work out as well as you hope. At least you
can say you tried!
3) Stand up for yourself.
Low self-esteem often leads to lack of assertiveness; and when we don't voice what we want and need, we end up feeling worse about who we are. Build your assertiveness skills, and it will get easier in time.
4) Set personal goals.
Decide where you'd like to go, and make a reasonable, yet challenging, plan to get there. Set deadlines and a system of rewards to keep you going. (A goal, by the way, doesn't have to be a huge life decision, like "become a doctor". It can be anything you want to have in your life, like "Make one new friend" or "Learn to make jam.")
5) Practice truthfulness.
Avoid white lies. We often fib because we think we are sparing feelings or making things easier, but dishonesty only ends up making us feel bad about ourselves. Don't present a false face.
6) Practice positive affirmations.
Write down 5 or 10 things you really like about yourself. And next time a negative thought pops into your mind, replace it with something positive.
7) Find things you enjoy.
Whether it's sewing, drawing, swimming or karate, hobbies are a big self-esteem booster. Even if we are not experts, doing something for the pleasure and challenge builds our sense of who we are.
8) Use visualization techniques.
If you're anxious or doubtful about your ability to do something (ask your boss for a raise or compete in a marathon, for example), practice visualizing that moment in detail. Imagine yourself pulling it off smoothly. It'll lower your fear and boost your confidence.
9) Enhance your ability to cope with stress.
It's not so easy to believe in yourself if you're stressed out. Develop a repertoire of strategies for calming your spirit and incorporate them into your life as much as possible (like reading a good book, talking to friends, riding a horse or taking a bubble bath).
10) Make a list of your accomplishments.
Include anything that made you feel good about yourself, without thinking about whether it is technically an "accomplishment" or not. (Your ability to relate to children, your chess talent, the amazing cookies you make, the great short story you wrote.) Refer to it whenever you need a boost.
11) Live in the moment.
The more time you spend dwelling on the past or worrying about the future, the more of the present you are wasting. Life is NOW, and you should get out there and embrace it.
12) Do things for others.
It's easy to get wrapped up in your own little world and forget that there are people out there who are in need. Give to others (your time, company, whatever you have to share) and you'll find yourself feeling better about yourself.
13) Take care of yourself physically.
Eat well, get enough sleep, kick nasty habits and get some exercise. Treat your body like it deserves to be treated!
Tips To Help With Positive Thinking
|Negative Thoughts||Helpful Alternatives|
|Other people seem so much more confident (or successful, popular, etc.) than me.||In all areas of life, you can always find people who are better or luckier than you and people who are worse or less fortunate than you.|
|I don't have any talent.||I'll try to do the best I can.|
|I have no discipline, no will power.||I'm not going to give up!|
|I'm a complete failure.||Making mistakes is only human.|
|I'm worthless, no good.||My qualities include ... (make a list)|
|I have no patience whatsoever.||I can do anything if I put enough time and effort into it.|
|I'll never be able to ...||I can do anything if I put enough time and effort into it.|
|I don't have any brains.||I can do anything if I put enough time and effort into it.|
|I'm a born loser.||I have a good family life. That's all that matters.|
|I'm so weird.||Many things are more important than looks.|
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